I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
