Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We are all done wearing pants today
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
