I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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