I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
