Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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