I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
