Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She bit a glass in half.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize