Where did you get a picture of my penis
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
