gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize