I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
