i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
