I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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