I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
