hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
