Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
