What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
