Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
