I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
