Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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