guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
