I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
