How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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