Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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