I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
