i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize