i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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