this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
