i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
