i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
