im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
