all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
