I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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