epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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