When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
