Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
