did you get engaged???
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
