You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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