im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
