I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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