To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
