fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
