I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The power of my boobs compel you
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
