The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
