Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
