There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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