I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
