he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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