so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize