As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
