Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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