meet me or not, i'm out of control
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
