Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
