I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
