do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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