Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Woke up backwards on a recliner
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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