she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
