I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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