They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
