I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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