my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
