Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
