Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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