my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
