Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
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