I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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