winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
