he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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