ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
