Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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