Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
