My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
