Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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