She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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